Communication skills are key in any marriage, especially if you want to stay married. I think we can look at our parents and see some key points we can learn from. My parents, for example, made sure we all ate at the table together. They made sure they were a united front when we had issues, and they made sure to talk out their differences. My husbands parents never eat in the same room or the same time. They don’t discuss their marital problems, hoping they will all just slide by. Television is their moderator.
My parents are divorced. His parents are still together.
But in an effort to combine the good and the bad of each, we’ve created our own unique blend. Take last night, for example.
Me: I want to bake something. Translation: I am sick of watching you channel surf between Deadliest Catch and every other macho reality tv show that you have nothing in common with.
Husband: Like what? Translation: why are you talking to me during my very important 7 hours of tv time?
Me: I dunno. Something that takes some serious measuring. Translation: Something that takes a long dammed time, or I’m going to hurl that remote into the tv.
Husband: Well, you have bananas turning brown. Translation: why not eat the damned fruit or bake with it so it doesn’t get wasted, as usual?
Me: Maybe. Translation: next time I give you a blowjob it will be mediocre at best, just for that criticism.
(I walk into the kitchen. Translation: I slam the door.)
(I bring back a plate of dessert. Translation: I lift up my shirt and show my breasts. How do you like me now?)
Husband: You made smores? How does that take exact measuring? Translation: Brownies would have been better. And you look fat with that tshirt over your head. Purple is not your color.
Me: Meh. Translation: I want a divorce.
Husband: Pass me another? Translation: You know, even a mediocre blowjob would be awesome right now.
I pass him a smore. Translation: I’ll think about it.
And that, folks, is how you communicate in a successful marriage!