Mortal Enemy: Tootsie Rolls

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Oh Halloween, I curse thee.  There is no holiday I have less control than this.  Because this is the second best holiday EVER.  Because it centers around candy.  And costumes. Christmas is slightly better, because it has candy, costumes AND presents.  (costumes for christmas, you ask?  Well, if you had angel wings and halos for your cats you too would be highly amused in December).

The problem is I’m an adult (technically) and so I buy the candy.  Ethically, I cannot buy crappy candy.  I must buy candy I would like.  I remember as a kid thinking that lady down the block that gave out that cheap black and orange disgusting stuff was a horrible human being. I swore that when I was an adult, I wouldn’t be such a loser.

The tricky thing is I don’t buy candy that often.  And having a bag of candy around the house is tooooo tempting.  That bag of 400 mini tootsie rolls?  Well, we’re a third down now.  And those twix bars?

What twix bars?  I didn’t have any twix bars.  Shut up.

One year I had to take a shower when I knew trick or treaters started coming around, so I put the bowl on the front stoop.  I took a quick shower and heard a noise at my door.  Sweet!  I love kid costumes.  I open up the door to see a 20-something mom urging her three year old to put the entire bowl of candy in his bag.  I look at her and say “gee, that wouldn’t leave any for the rest of the kids.”  Instead of being ashamed she says “what?  It didn’t say there was a limit.”  No…and there’s also not a sign saying you shouldn’t piss on my porch, but I’d still think you’d know better.  And way to teach kids about sharing eh?

So from then on out I haven’t left a bowl out, because I don’t trust people. Kids, I can understand the greed.  But it’s really the parents I don’t trust.  I don’t understand parents who don’t tell them to use their manners.  Or those who just let their kids wander alone, in the dark, in disguises with lots of random people walking around.  Get a clue.

Where was I?

Oh, right.  So usually I have to buy a couple of bags in order to have candy to actually pour in the bowl by Halloween.  I thought that getting a ton of little candies would work. But I underestimated the chewy deliciousness of Tootsie. Sigh.  Maybe this year I won’t buy a third bag.  Maybe I’ll just eat the rest of these and get creative on Halloween.

But that would just be wrong.  Maybe I should get one more bag.  You know, for the kids.

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