To sleep, perchance to…oh whatever

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I don’t sleep.  I have insomnia.  And before some jackass says “oh, you must get soooo much done,” think about how YOU get after pulling an all-nighter.  Do YOU feel like doing work, cleaning the kitchen, or anything useful?  It’s all I can do to stop myself from ordering a pizza.

I still try to go to bed.  If I actually fall asleep, I’ll stay asleep.  Of course my husband likes to go to bed at a ridiculously early hour (anything before midnight), and so I try to go to bed with him.  You know, for solidarity, ritual, to be supportive.  Of course, after already being awake for three days, you tend to get slap happy and good intentions go out the door.

Some times he senses me right away.  Sometimes it takes a while.  That’s one thing that insomnia gives you in large quantities: time.  If the stare down doesn’t work, I’ve been known to take a single hair and place it on his nose.  Or to lightly poke his nipples give him a sensual massage.  Whatever does the job.  Because if I can’t sleep, it seems grossly unfair that he can.  Not that I keep him up all night.  Just 30 minutes or so.  You know, until he’s about ready to kill me.

You may feel sorry for my husband.  I do not.  The man takes naps like a preschooler.  And, more importantly, he contributes to my lack of sleep.  Well, he and my dog.  It goes something like this:

And my dog isn’t the only one to let out noxious fumes…I’m just giving my husband the illusion of dignity here.  Which is more than I can say for ME at three in the morning, when I crawl out of bed assuming that I’m dying from mustard gas.  Isn’t that a great way to start your day?  Because once I’m awake, I’m not going back to sleep no matter how much I plead with the gods.  WHich is why I’m here.  God, I really need to find a doctor who will prescribe me better sleep meds…

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4 thoughts on “To sleep, perchance to…oh whatever

  1. hoops and such

    Haha, I can feel your pain. My husband can fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow while I lay there awake for hours. Last night I was like, omg, what is that noise? Did someone break in? Turns out it was the hubs snoring!

  2. I can relate to the insomnia! My husband also snores. He started the day after we married. I tried everything–sleeping pills, ear plugs, etc., I thought the pillow over the head technique worked pretty well, but he complained he couldn’t breathe. . .

  3. At least I can guilt the hubby into doing some extra chores or giving a back rub or something for my trouble. The real problem is the dog. How can you guilt a puppy into being semi-calm for a day because he snored all night and kept you up?

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