A Gift from Hell


I had the day off, mostly.  Just a few hours of work, and I determined to spend the rest of this fabulous day enjoying life and chilling out…something I’m not generally good at.  Because how can you relax when there are dirty dishes in the sink?  Yes, yes I am one of those busybodies.  But not today!  I was going to relax, man.

Because it’s all about your attitude, right?

Wrong.  SO wrong.  Especially when it comes to allergies.

See, normal people get allergies in the spring, when all the pollen is in the air, or in the summer when ragweed is rampant.  Not me.  Because I’m special.  So special, in fact, that the allergy specialist didn’t think I had allergies, because I didn’t have the typical symptoms–no red eyes, no runny nose…but then they did the tests and found out I was seriously deathly allergic to mold and dust.  The two things that are swimming around in the air like frickin tuna on crack when you turn on your heater for the winter. And my happy little immune system bypasses all normal responses and jumps straight to sinus infection.

So I’m congested, but without any mucus, just from swelling.  Which means that blowing my nose or using sudafed won’t help.  And then it creeps up into my entire head to the point that a pillow hurts my head.  When it gets bad, I resort to the sinus rinse.  Not that wimpy teapot trickle thing, but the squeeze bottle that shoves a river of water up your nose.

Sadly, it really does help.  But not enough to get rid of the allergy migraine from hell that I am now nursing.  I could just turn the heater off in the house, which we have set for a balmy 67 degrees, right?  As long as I don’t mind dying of hypothermia.  No prob.

I go to bed with a throbbing headache.  It’s bad enough it feels like fat little piggies are using my head as a trampoline.  

I have decided that allergies suck monkey-butt, and must be a gift straight from Hell. So to sum up, if I go out, I hear Jingle Bells Musak from hell, and if I stay home, I have sinutitus from hell.  I have to use a nose douche on a regular basis and if this gets much worse I’ll be on antibiotics, which leads to weight gain, so I’ll have to lay off the Lucky Charms, too.  Major suckage all the way around.  This holiday season is not looking good for me…but if you want to cheer me up, you can send me money.  Bags and bags of money.  (It’s my default answer to everything, and I’m pretty damned sure it would work.  For some reason though, nobody has taken me up on the suggestion.  What gives, guys?)


2 thoughts on “A Gift from Hell

  1. hoops and such

    While I can’t send you bags of money, I can relate. The nasal spray if my bff and I use up to a box of tissues per day. My husband blows his nose like every few months. It’s just not fair.

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