Stalkers make bad teachers


It’s currently very late at night and I am up very worried about a seriously ill family member.  It’s too late to call the folks, but I pick up the phone every 10 minutes anyways.  But in between those moments, something very odd is happening…probably from stress, but probably also because that’s just the clever way my mind works.  I have a song in my head that I have no earthly reason to have in my head.  I haven’t heard it in well over 2 decades.  At least not by design.  And it isn’t even a song I used to like.  But having little snippets of it blast over and fricking over again, I’ve come to realize that something I vacantly hummed to in my youth is really quite disturbing.

That’s right.  I’m talking about Lionel Richie’s “Hello“.

“I’ve been alone with you inside my mind / and in my dreams I’ve kissed your lips a thousand times / I sometimes see you pass outside my door / Hello, is it me you’re looking for?”

Okay.  First of all, in the video this is clearly Lionel Richie singing to a student in one of his classes.  Being alone with her inside his mind makes me think of the movie the Cell, and he’s some serial stalker.

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

And if he’s really so busy imagining kissing her lips a thousand times, she should get a refund on her education, because obviously he’s too distracted to give a good lecture.  As far as seeing her outside his door, yes, he’s a teacher and has office hours.  She’s probably coming by to get some better instruction, but hears his heavy breathing on the other side of the door and hightails it out of there.  duh.

Other questionable lyrics: “Cause I wonder where you are / and I wonder what you do / are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?”

Whoa, whoa, whoa.  First of all, wondering what someone is doing all the time is obsessive behavior.  And if you were a better teacher, she’d be in your class, learning, jackass.  Instead you’re singing in your class until the poor girl leaves.  And wondering if someone is diddling her pooter is just not appropriate talk in a classroom, even if there is synthesizer music in the background.

See, it’s jerks like this that ruined it for the rest of us with all of these sexual harrassment classes we have to take, explaining things Lionel should already know.  For example, not calling students at their homes and saying you love them.  Thanks for that.  Just because you, Lionel, couldn’t keep your paws off some student when you admit you “haven’t got a clue” I have to make sure I never so much as hand some kid a breathmint or it could be misconstrued.

Now, I know professors who’ve married students…but in this video you hear a bell ring and see lockers!  Is this a high school student, you sicko?  Good ole Lionel here needs help.  He could start by paying attention–in the video she’s a blind girl trying to focus on her classes as he croons in the background.  The fact that she isn’t responding at all should give you a clue to BACK OFF, man.

And the worst thing is how incredibly insensitive he is.  He keeps asking “is it me you’re looking for?”  SHE’S BLIND.  She can’t see ANYTHING, genius.

3 thoughts on “Stalkers make bad teachers

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