So…I’m putting my second post up already. Usually I wait til Thursday or so, but I’m going to be neck deep grading papers for the next week, as exams are upon us. I would like to say that I have sympathy for my students, but I don’t. I reserve all that pity for myself. Because as much as they hate having to take them, I hate having to grade them. All my students will be giving each other high fives and drinking themselves into a stupor when it’s all over, and I’ll still be trapped in my office by an avalanche of paper.
What really makes me twitchy though is the way students act so shocked by it all. You’d think that exams weren’t scheduled months in advance by the college. You’d think it wasn’t on the calendar that comes with the enrollment schedule, listed on their syllabus, and posted on the class website. You’d think I was Satan himself when I remind students the week before finals, no matter how many times it’s been mentioned before in class.
Because I take my job so seriously, I tally all the grades and then get paranoid that I added it up incorrectly and add it up all over again. Over and over. It’s very possible that by the end of the finals, I will be a broken shell of my normal self. I might begin a strict regiment of coffee and tootsie rolls while using car freshners under my armpits in place of showers.
Perhaps I take it all too seriously. I’ve never heard of any future employer asking to actually see transcripts and g.p.a.’s. Perhaps I need to relax and see this as a delightful opportunity for entertainment. I could auction off grades to the highest bidder. My argument would be that economic engagement within society is directly proportional to personal success. Hey, it could work. Or maybe I’ll make grading the exam easier and just give everyone a list of questions from another subject altogether. Like calculus.
If I was really cruel, I could slowly alter the test by adding more foreign words in each question until the end of the exam was in another language altogether. Or I could say “screw it” and give everyone C’s. I don’t think so, but it’s always a possibility…any other genius suggestions?
Back next week with puppy shoe fetish updates and diet plans. Oh boy!