It’s Not A Temper Tantrum If You’re Right (or so I tell myself)


I get migraines in two circumstances: sick with some sinus crap, or just a good ole fashion migraine that is so pain inducing that even resting my head on a pillow hurts.  I haven’t decided which one I have, but I did know there was a slim chance that some drugs would help, so I grab a bottle.   And there the debacle begins.

You see this shit?  This is supposed to be the solution.  Forget brand names–that’s not the point.  The point is you’re supposed to swallow the pills and pray for relief.  WHich is what I was planning on doing, except I couldn’t get the damned pills out.

You know that stay-fresh plastic thing they put in the bottle?  Well, the geniuses who design the bottles need to realize that putting such a large piece in a small bottle means that it PLUGS THE NECK and you can’t get the medicine out.

Normally, you’d just shake it around until something came out.  But here’s the thing.  People who need these pills clearly have a migraine already.  That’s why it says “Migraine Relief” on the bottle.  So when said people who are already in a bad way can’t get the medicine out of the bottles, they don’t just laugh and keep shaking.  They reign sulfur and fire, my friends.  They lay waste to the whole damned town because THEY CAN’T GET THE DAMNED PILLS OUT OF THE BOTTLE.  I don’t need an uzi or a tank.  My shimmering rage is enough in itself to make buildings topple and small children to burst into flames.

And for those of you who are in the same predicament, a little word of advice: yes, using a hammer will in fact open the bottle and may be satisfying, but having to lick up aspirin dust isn’t very dignified.


5 thoughts on “It’s Not A Temper Tantrum If You’re Right (or so I tell myself)

  1. Not to mention the fact that you accurately portrayed exactly how many pills come in a bottle. That “stay fresh” widget-of-Hell fills the damn thing, leaving like 5 pills total. Okay, venting session complete.

  2. Main Street: I haven’t thought of using my hammer on my head, but it has been a temptation to use it on annoying sounds like, oh, my alarm clock as I wake up with the same migraine.

    Dr. Cynicism: I know! I would pay an extra dollar or two for the same sized bottle if it didn’t have that stay fresh packet in it. If they replaced it with some m&ms that might help my mood, too.

    Rubin: I want access to your medicine cabinet.

    Hoops: don’t you have a hula dance to get rid of headaches? I would probably be more tempted to use a hammer on the hoop, honestly, but I thought I’d ask. 😉

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