The Night Before the Night Before Christmas


So, I felt like total ass the few days before christmas.  I had a nice little temper tantrum about it, too.

Thankfully, the antibiotics kicked in by xmas day

Not only did I have a gnarly sinus infection which was just awesome, but I’d been aching in really weird places, too.  I mean, my back hurt, I felt like a 300 pound man is sitting on my chest and I felt like I’d had heartburn for 3 days solid.  These are not symptoms of a sinus infection at all.  So then I went to the doctor to see what’s going on.

I remember my Dad often yelling at me about living like “like a chicken with it’s head cut off.”  (I got this lecture often after doing my chores and lets say just casually vacumming a room, or cleaning the easiest to reach portions of the windows…that kinda thing.  If you’re going to do something half-assed, he would say, don’t do it at all!  Of course, when I just decided not to do my chores at all that didn’t go over well either, so I really think he was sending mixed messages there…)

Anyways.  Apparently his wisdom really left a mark.  I mean, not only do I get sick, but I don’t half-ass it.  Oh no.  See, I was coughing and sneezing so hard from my sinus infection that I actually shoved a rib out of place, which in turn slipped a vertebrea out of place.  The heartburn and painful breathing was the rib, the backache from the slipped disk.

First off, if this is what it feels like when a rib is just out of place (the doctor reset it) then mother of god, I do NOT want to break a rib.  Ever.  And secondly, but more importantly, do not fuck with me.  I am such a bad ass that just a sneeze can mess up my rib.  Do you really want to see what I can do if I’m actually pissed and focused on causing someone else pain?  I thought not.

My husband just looked at me and said “uh huh” when I told him my stunning conclusion.  He just does not want to acknowledge the awesome power of my amazing self.  Poor, delusional bastard.


2 thoughts on “The Night Before the Night Before Christmas

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