So, I felt like total ass the few days before christmas. I had a nice little temper tantrum about it, too.
Not only did I have a gnarly sinus infection which was just awesome, but I’d been aching in really weird places, too. I mean, my back hurt, I felt like a 300 pound man is sitting on my chest and I felt like I’d had heartburn for 3 days solid. These are not symptoms of a sinus infection at all. So then I went to the doctor to see what’s going on.
I remember my Dad often yelling at me about living like “like a chicken with it’s head cut off.” (I got this lecture often after doing my chores and lets say just casually vacumming a room, or cleaning the easiest to reach portions of the windows…that kinda thing. If you’re going to do something half-assed, he would say, don’t do it at all! Of course, when I just decided not to do my chores at all that didn’t go over well either, so I really think he was sending mixed messages there…)
Anyways. Apparently his wisdom really left a mark. I mean, not only do I get sick, but I don’t half-ass it. Oh no. See, I was coughing and sneezing so hard from my sinus infection that I actually shoved a rib out of place, which in turn slipped a vertebrea out of place. The heartburn and painful breathing was the rib, the backache from the slipped disk.
First off, if this is what it feels like when a rib is just out of place (the doctor reset it) then mother of god, I do NOT want to break a rib. Ever. And secondly, but more importantly, do not fuck with me. I am such a bad ass that just a sneeze can mess up my rib. Do you really want to see what I can do if I’m actually pissed and focused on causing someone else pain? I thought not.
My husband just looked at me and said “uh huh” when I told him my stunning conclusion. He just does not want to acknowledge the awesome power of my amazing self. Poor, delusional bastard.