Bunnies Bumping Uglies


So, this is the first week of the semester and I haven’t had a moment to write anything from current events yet.  So instead I’m going to bring out one of those horrible childhood traumas.

Let me set the stage: I am 7 years old, alone in a big, drafty house.  I’m not really alone, but I can’t find my parents, and my sister is hiding from me, because that’s what older siblings do.  I am seriously bored (the tv was broken) and hungry. I go upstairs.  My parents door is locked.  But this is an old house.  With old-fashioned locks on the doors, with an old fashioned key.  And an old fashioned keyhole.  Which means I can actually peak through to see what’s going on.

That’s right.  I saw my parents having sex.

This in and of itself is enough to scar any child for life.  And I didn’t live in blissful ignorance of what I was seeing–sex ed started young in elementary school.  I remember seeing a bad projector video describing penises and vaginas.  But instead of showing people, they showed two bunnies having sex.  And then lots of little fluffy bunnies hopped around as a result of the reproduction.  I’m not sure that was the right tact to take, because fluffy bunny babies seems like a lot of FUN.

But back to my parents.  Oh, I can still remember the horror to this day.  You see, they also had a waterbed.  So that glance I took that was forever burned into my brain translates to this:

Two white, pale fish flopping on a bed.  I think I made some kind of noise before I went to wash out my eyes with acid, like of like a dry heave sound, because after that day they put tissue in the keyhole.  Which was fine with me.  Because dealing with the idea I did not actually come from immaculate conception or the stork or the baby fairy was a hard pill to swallow.  That fact that they might STILL be having sex?  It was too awful to consider.

I learned an important lesson that day: denial.  Denial is a skill everyone can benefit from.  Don’t shy away from it.  Sometimes pushing your memories in a tight, small box deep in your mind can be the healthiest thing possible.  Of course, I opened that box and tortured myself for your benefit.  Go ahead and laugh.  Then try your hardest not to think of YOUR parents doing the nasty.

You’re welcome.

5 thoughts on “Bunnies Bumping Uglies

  1. Samir

    Hilarious… I think

    No seriously, 7 is much too young to have to deal with that. But you know, it happened to me too when I was 9… and yes, denial is wonderful then. So wonderful that I hardly ever think about it, so now that you’ve stirred up that unwanted image, I’m gonna have to find a way to get even with you 😀

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