Actually, Some Dogs DO Go To Hell


So, one of my friends was complaining to me online about not being able to run because his knee is jacked up.  I immediately ask if he can get on his wife’s insurance.  He is.  He just hates doctors.

He is officially an asshat.

Lemme explain.  When I got out of grad school, I had NO money.  And I also couldn’t get a job.  Apparently, having a masters meant that I was overqualified and no one wanted to hire me for fear of having to give me an actual wage.  Eventually I got a job by leaving my masters off my resume (I died a little that day) but I was still poor as dirt.  My hubby (then boyfriend) wasn’t doing much better.  He had a job, sure, but people in his field don’t get health insurance 90 percent of the time.  I looked it up, and even the cheapest, 1000 dollar deductible health insurance would have cost me almost 200 a month.  Now, for someone who can barely afford to keep the electricity on, this is really not an option.  So I just crossed my fingers every time I touched a public door that I didn’t get sick.

I didn’t consider what would happen if I actually tried to stay healthy by exercise.

Okay.  So I couldn’t afford a gym membership.  I couldn’t afford healthy food.  But pavement is free.  So I jiggled, panted and huffed my way around the neighborhood in hopes of losing a few pounds.  And then one day some dipshit left their megalosaurus loose.  I would call it a dog, but that thing was a carnivore on crack.  So anyways, I crested the hill and ran like hell to get away from the fiend.

I was so intent on not getting eaten that I missed the one piece of gravel that fell out of someone’s yard.  Who puts gravel in a flower bed?  Evil people who want me to die.  That’s who.  I trip.  I trip HARD and fall down a very steep hill.

I land on my ankle, and bounce and hit my shoulder.  The jackwagon who let his dog out of the house finally gets his dog.  Not that he says sorry or ask if I need any help.  Jerk.

I limp my way home.  I then I try to get my shoe off.  It’s so swollen I have to take out all the laces, and when I pull it off, I cry like a hyena.  Or a hyena-baby hybrid.  (I won’t say that I don’t cry, but it’s seldom.  Like, biannually, ya’all.)  My wild keening lasts for 15 minutes.  I coulda gone on for longer, but my pets were staring at me and I felt bad for them.

I can tell something is wrong.  So I call my mom.  Because calling mommy is free.  And because she was a nurse.  She said it was most likely a bad sprain.  Now, she was about 3 states away, so she couldn’t check.  And I couldn’t afford a thousand bucks to go to the hospital.  So I called some free hotline and checked web md.  The hotline said it was a bad sprain, and web md said I had cancer.  So I did what they said: I put a ton of ice on it, and borrowed a crutch.  And I used Icy-hot just to be safe.

Now, you think this might be silly. Just go to the doctor!  But check this: My hubby had gotten really sick a few weeks beforehand, and I eventually dragged him in to the clinic because he was horribly drippy with a super high fever.  We found out he had strep.  I freaked.  They gave him an antibiotic shot and some medicine.  When we went home, we had a $650 dollar bill for that 15 minutes.  That’s how much crap costs when you don’t have insurance.  We couldn’t afford me to go, too.  So I hobble around for the next two months.

The next year  I get a job that has health insurance.  Hurray!  My ankle is still hurting.  Not hurray!  Come to find out, it wasn’t a sprain.  I’d torn a few ligaments in my ankle, and they didn’t heal right.  They gave me 4 cortisone shots all over my ankle.  I still can’t wear even the slightest highheel to this day.  And I still have to get my shoulder snapped back into place on a regular basis, as it seems I tore my rotator cuff when I fell too.  Since I didn’t get it fixed right away, it wants to stay eternally screwed up.  We’re talking 8 years later, and I’m still paying for it with lotsa doctors visits.

So if you can get help and you don’t but still bitch about it, you’re an asshat.  Like my friend.  Anyone I know that says universal healthcare is a bad idea has never had something bad happen.  Has never had to pay 70 bucks a month for birthcontrol.  Never had to go the the cheap clinic for her yearly female-check up to get birthcontrol, the same cheap clinic that sees the local prostitutes.  I always took long showers and burned my clothes after going there.  Not that I’m trying to get political, but I just think if I’d been able to get the help I needed that one day, all these follow up visits I continue to have wouldn’t be neccissary.

And damned you, Cujo.  If I meet you in the afterlife, I’m putting you on a racing track with a T-Rex.


10 thoughts on “Actually, Some Dogs DO Go To Hell

  1. “Anyone I know that says universal healthcare is a bad idea has never had something bad happen.” So true. I don’t know how people without health insurance can sleep at night: that goes times a million if you have a child dependent on you! My daughter has special needs and the healthcare here in Europe has been expert, you choose what specialist you want and can walk in off the street without a referral, and the State covers nearly all of it. It’s worth the high personal income tax because you get what you pay for, frankly: people who live in Ireland where I come from only pay 21% income tax, which is crazy, then they bitch about how crappy the health system there (and it really is).

    Sorry to hear about your ligament woes, our health is really our wealth! I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t run (well I do, I’d turn into a very obese person LOL)…

  2. We have the National Health Service in Britain and it is something I am proud of though it is certainly not perfect.

    I just don’t see the market-place working in the interests of the patient when it comes to health-care. Patients are not customers, and the interests of patients should come first not shareholders.

    • I was in a serious relationship with someone from Scandinavia, and while we were there I remember some of the difficulties he had getting an appointment. I know no healthcare is perfect, but it would be nice to know in an emergency here, you wouldn’t have to worry about bankruptcy!

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