I am a weak, weak woman. Not physically. No, I’ve got some weird strong muscles that don’t look all that ripped. I look flabby, but under a layer of softy cushiness I have some hardcore strength. My viking heritage coming out to play in my pale, pale self.
What I meant to say is, I bought cereal.
See, I’ve been doing the whole green smoothie thing. I’ve had SO much spinach in my diet I’m surprised I haven’t grown three sizes and gone on a rampage whenever I get angry.
But I went grocery shopping and I was hungry and I just slowed down when I saw Lucky Charms. That damned leprechaun was taunting me. It even said on the package that they put more whole wheat in it, and that made it healthy! The box said it was healthy!
But I didn’t stoop quite so low. I bought Cheerios instead. In a week I’ve only had one cup of it, and that was an impromptu dinner. So I haven’t gone off the bandwagon, I’ve just kinda sat on the very edge of it and let my heels slide in the dirt. I know I need to stop this behavior. The whole point of the entire smoothie thing was to be healthier and lose some weight. My stomach was getting out of control. I still fit my pants and all, but it was a little tight, and my stomach was talking a little too loudly whenever I thought of cereal or cookies.
And then I started doing the green smoothie thing. Every stupid blog out there promised that if you start off the day with a healthy smoothie full of spinach, kale and all other fun-destroying vegetables, you’d start to actually crave healthier foods and more greens. Sounded like a plan, and I’ve stuck to it.
Just for some extra oomph, my husband started making at least one dinner a week be solely a vegetarian affair. Which is a good thing, because I am simply incapable of making a dinner meal that is all veggies. It goes against my very nature as a midwestern girl raised on meat and potatoes. So he cooks the brussels sprouts and chard and I simply chew while dreaming of fried chicken. At first, I thought all the extra leafy crap might be working. And maybe it was.
But now a few weeks later, my stomach is fighting back. I swear I’ve gained extra pooch, as if my stomach is building reserves to fight the war. And no matter how many mornings (5-6) a week I have green smoothies, my stomach is not happy about being healthy. It craves things. Bad things.
It’s like my stomach had grown it’s own brain and is steadily taking over my body. I still stick to the veggie dinner 2x a week. I still have my smoothies every morning. I never drink soda, never have fast food, limit all yummy things like oreos and doritos…But it seems like it isn’t doing any good. It seems like my efforts to minimize my layer of blubber are just pissing my stomach OFF.
I’m not cold turkey–I’m trying to alter my diet, not be “on” a diet. I still bake banana bread and have the occasional pastry. And if anyone tries to take that away from me, they should be very afraid. Of course, if I don’t see some results, eventually I’m going to go postal and then all those hippy/organic/healthy bloggers should be afraid. I might just find out where they live and force feed them pizza and pixie sticks until they ride a junkfood high so strong it takes them months before they can look at wheatgrass with anything but contempt.