Inner Wolf Suicide Watch


So, I really wouldn’t say I’m feeling much better, but for the first time in what seems like ages, it wasn’t raining this morning.  So I dragged my butt outta bed and decided to take the puppy on a really long walk.

About three quarters of a mile from the house (that’s 1.20 kilometers for my non-usa readers out there) there is a park I like filled with nature trails.  Okay, I only sorta like it because of the nature trails.  I mostly like it because there’s bunnies.  Not hares, not rabbits, but fluffy and floppy eared bunnies.  (Whenever I say it outloud, it’s said with an exclamation point: bunnies!)

There are also other critters around, and as the pup has graduated to playing with german shepards and pitbulls at the dog park, I thought I would nurture his inner badass wolf at the park.  So we walked for a mile or so, but no bunnies.  Which a) makes me sad, because the bunnies are a treat for me and b) not so bad I guess because little puppy wants to sniff their butts and see if they have a squeaker in the middle.

But puppy freaks at every bird chirping in the woods.  You’d think we were reinacting a scene from Aliens, not walking thru a park.  At the same time, I am pulling and tugging at the leash, trying to redirect him around piles of bird poo on the path.  And this is no small bird poo, this is turkey poo.  They look like half granades, kinda green and white with a mushy center.  Little dork would step right into them too.  At this point I am re-evaluating this entire plan, when we see turkeys.  They are maybe 10 feet away (3 yards.  Isn’t that nice of me to convert it?) and the dog looks perplexed.  To be honest, they do look like feathered tree stumps when they don’t move.

I don’t really want him to bark.  I don’t want to scare them.  Honestly, they may be rather ugly, but they make the cutest little peeping noises when they don’t feel threatened, and I would love to have one for a pet.  As long as my husband swore he wouldn’t eat it.

But anyways, they freeze in place and the dog does this mental shrug and moves on.  I realize my little furball of energy would die out in the wild, because he does not commune with his inner predator.  

I sigh and keep walking.  We round the hill and spy another one.  The dog has decided these are nothing to pay attention to, and keeps trotting along…until we just pass it.  It gives a full series of gobbles and scares the shit out of puppy.  I can see the lightbulb go off in puppy’s head.  This was prey, and prey scared him….And now it was too late to be wolfy.  Puppy had predator shame the rest of the walk.


4 thoughts on “Inner Wolf Suicide Watch

  1. When I was a kid I was best friends with a girl who lived on 9 acres. Her family had turkeys, ducks, cows, geese, chickens and I don’t even remember what else. Anyway, the Tom turkey always scared the shit out of me. He was always prancing around, fanning out his tail and puffing up his feathers to show us how bad-ass he was, and he made this funny clicking/hissing noise. I avoided him and the geese, too. Geese are mean.

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