I Wish To God This Didn’t Work


Imagine yourself in your vacation clothes, bags at your side, ticket in hand. Imagine there is no annoying airport or line, but you will be magically transported to your destination as soon as you step on the plane.  Which is how it SHOULD work.  Or better yet, get me that Star Trek transporter.  Ah, but I’m off topic.  Now imagine King Kong comes by and crushes the plane right before your eyes.  And pisses on you for good measure.  That is how I feel, people.  It is a mere 2 weeks before finals are over.  3 weeks til I turn in grades.  I can count the days to freedom.  Or I could, if my body wasn’t pissing on my parade, so to speak.

I’ve had really bad allergies the last few days.  And anyone who knows me knows I just got over bronchitus that took forever to heal, and that I’d really like a few weeks off without a sinus infection, thanks.  But so far nothing has worked–not the nasal spray I was prescribed, not claritin, not nasal rinses from hell, nothing.  So I went online to see if there was something, anything that could help me make it through the end of the semester without the brutal torture of dry, yet completely swollen sinuses.

I found something.  Something holistic and hippy and available in my own house. It frightened me.  It frightened me because I’ve done it before for something else, and it was awful.  Ready for a home remedy for allergies?  1/8th cup of raw apple cider vinegar.  I dilute it with 1/8th cup of water and chug it.  With mildly terrifying effects on my body:

1. The reek makes it’s way up my throat and nose.

2. Acid coats my tongue and I try my best not to vomit

3. Realize the aftertaste is exactly the same as the time I upchucked tequila mixed with vodka on hangover morning after graduation

4. My stomach lurches and I realize the vinegar will taste WORSE coming back up than that round of tequila+vodka, since it already tasted that bad on the way down.  I fight it off valiantly.

The worst part?  It worked.  My sinuses cleared up completely in 30 minutes, and still are a few hours later.  I’m going to have to do this.  Every. Day.  OMG.

Try it.  I dare you.  I double dog dare you.  If you can chug the same concoction I did–no alterations, I’ll send you a badge of honor.  But no faking–have someone take a picture right after and send me your lovely metaphor for the taste plus pic in the comment section!  (I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU!)


4 thoughts on “I Wish To God This Didn’t Work

  1. An old friend of mine used to swallow down a tablespoon of the stuff every day because of it’s reported help with weight loss. I don’t know that it ever made a difference.

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