Blackmail, Beeeatch

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My husband and I were in the car talking about the Next Food Network Star.  My husband is a reality tv slut and I have standards, so we have switzerland via food network.  I would also watch HGtv, but my husband would gouge his own eyes out with a spoon.  So Iron Chef, Food Network Star, Chopped and Top Chef are on our list.

Anyways, I admitted that I wouldn’t win because I would lose the last challenge–cooking for 100 people.  I don’t know any recipes except for thai food made 1 order at a time, and lots and lots of slow baking desserts.  My hubby could do the food thing hands down, no problem.  But he has a persona problem.  He doesn’t smile when he talks, he doesn’t try to engage people, and he has this one weird habit that would drive people nuts.  I find it hilarious.  Once you’ve seen this habit, you’ll be forever changed.  “Maybe I’ll write a blog about it,” I said.

“Please, please don’t,” he responded.

“What do I get for it?”  See, I’m a middle child, and that makes me a mercenary by nature.

“You don’t get anything!  I asked nicely!”  He even tried to sound offended.  Psh.

“Come ON, throw me a bone!  I write a blog and get nothing for it!  I need SOME compensation, and this is how the Lord provides!”  Which lord I won’t say, but middle children often pray to Satan that their siblings will be eaten.  Just say’n.

But I am a nice wife, and he did mention that there are one or two people who know who I am on this blog, and thus know who he is, too.  So I won’t tell.  For now.  I’ll use it as collateral for some future bargaining chip, because I’m economical and you don’t throw away perfectly good blackmail in this economy.

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7 thoughts on “Blackmail, Beeeatch

  1. I love “The Next Food Network Star,” even though I wouldn’t make it past the interview process because I would get hungry and choose food over fame. Plus, I can’t cook. Anyway, I want Susie’s job and I have a hard time taking Bob seriously.

    I also now need to know this habit. Does he laugh through his nose? That’s annoying.

    • baa haa haa. No, he doesn’t do that. though I couldn’t figure out what you meant and had to try it out myself. Are there a lot of nose laughers out there? I do snort. I snort in derision. It’s a talent.

      • I had a coworker who did it because he thought we couldn’t hear him laughing while he watched crap on his computer with the headphones on. Drove. Me. Insane.

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