I’m a Loser, Baby


I have an interesting conundrum.  I don’t know if I have any friends*. I’m not talking about facebook, folks.  Nor am I talking about those people who say “Hey, how you doing?” and keep walking by.  I mean real friends.  I hate to say it, but there are moments, hours, days, months where I wonder if I have any friends.  I do have friends in other cities, but here?  First, my hubby doesn’t count.  Neither does my dog.  Or satan-kitty.  And neither do work acquaintances, ie faculty I don’t actually hang with.

It’s not that I don’t do things with people, I do.  But usually I do stuff with people on the odd weekend where I’m not grading papers and whatnot, so I’m not terribly reliable, due to the lack of normal 9-5. And here’s the kicker for me–when we hang, it’s always because I ask people to do stuff.  I don’t get asked to parties, to go shopping, to hang out and watch a movie.  So my question is this; is someone your friend if they never ask you to do something?

I personally don’t think so.  Maybe people just think of my schedule and just go “oh, she’s busy,” but I don’t know if they’re thinking that, and so I assume the worst.  Because isn’t friendship supposed to be equal?

I also know that there are people I want to call my friends, but I think I would just be deluding myself, and if nothing else, my life lacks platitudes.  (I’d rather call myself a sad sack than super duper if I don’t believe it.)  But I also think my expectations might be out of whack.  Because when I think of friends, I still think of highschool.  You know, where you had sleepovers and you knew everyone’s secrets and you shared clothes and braided their hair?  Unrealistic, I know, but it felt so…legit.  My husband is like that.  He knows my secrets and my stupid jokes and I act like a dork in front of him.  But does that mean we all have to reserve that for our spouses?  I admit that I have lost previous best buddies (all male) after they got married.  Which sucks, because I still talked to them when I got married, but I guess it’s different for guys?  And I also admit I move a bit, and did a lot as a kid, so I don’t live in the same state as my elementary friends, middle school friends, high school friends, college friends, OR grad school friends.  I don’t have that fall-back of longtime friendship with anyone that could drive over in less than 4 days.

I had this pity party already in the back of my mind, but then I read a really depressing article in the New York Times that said after 20, people suck at making friends. So I am doomed.  DOOMED!  All I know is that I want to have someone over to my house late at night that I trust enough to wear pjs and chant bloody mary into a mirror while holding a candle.

I’m so annoyed at myself for even writing this post that I don’t want to be my friend, either.

Warning: I am in pms mode, have had a migraine for days and am generally feeling sorry for myself.  I almost didn’t post this, but I swore to keep my deadline.  So you get to either feel sorry for me or annoyed at my lack of humor.  Therefore, I also have a joke for you to make up for it: What did the banana say to the hippo?
Answer: Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.  Ba-da Bing!


5 thoughts on “I’m a Loser, Baby

  1. I hate that guys abandon their female (my) friendship after marriage. I chalk it up to paranoid wives. Whatever.

    It is hard to make new friends when you’re a grown adult. My solution? Everytime I move I get involved in the local community theatre. Even if all you have time for is ushering for a show or two, or coming in one Saturday to paint the set, these people LOVE their volunteer cast and crew and when they see you a time or two, you’ll have new friends.

    …and be invited to the cast party.

  2. Can I come over and chant bloody mary while holding a candle? I am in my PJ’s . . . It is challenging to make and maintain friendships as an adult with so many responsibilities, i.e.. job, family, home, etc. We tend to get caught up in the burdens of life. But I do think friendships are important, particularly in order to have people to reach out to when you are in PMS mode 🙂 And friendships require effort: checking in on friends, making plans, phoning, texting, remembering birthdays . . . . I have faith that, being the funny and likable lady that you are, if you get the ball rolling with a few people they will reciprocate.

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