So, I went shopping again. And based off my earlier post on the topic, you should know this does not go well. Ever. But, every once in a while I get the itch to hunt. I was at TJMaxx praying beyond hope that they had some cheap boots for sale. (They did not. Bastards) So instead of feeling totally let down, I decided to look for jeans. Because I can never have enough jeans. I don’t know why. It’s a disease I inherited from my mother, except her specific ailment was high heeled shoes.
I went to the fitting room, one pair of ill-advised skinny jeans in hand. (To go with the cowboy boots I had yet to find.) Skinny jeans are impossible to get on lotioned legs. I should have remembered this. And that I hate skinny jeans. So I hobbled over with jeans stuck to my calves and sat down in the chair. And then a truly horrible thought crossed my mind: thousands of people had placed their asses on this very seat. Mostly with underwear (I hope) but girls are really into thongs these days.
I seriously thought of putting my hand sanitizer on my ass, but really, I had underwear on as a barrier. And the 3 second rule applied. But I got the heebie jeebies thinking about it. From now on, I’m bringing hand wipes or putting a sweater down or something. I realize the entire thought process was probably a distraction for the fact the jeans didn’t fit and I felt like a fat cow, but I’m still grossed out.
And now you are too. You. Are. Welcome.