Funny or Tragic

1.  I am not allowed to go to the bathroom.  Whenever I try, the roll of paper is immediately knocked off its perch and rolled away.  The idea, I’m sure, is to make my bladder burst while I try to chase her and the toilet paper down with my panties around my ankles.  Why don’t I actually put it on roll?  Because that means the terrorist wins.

2.  I’m not allowed to wash my hands.  Ever.  When I do finally chase down the toilet paper and make yet another attempt, she diverts to a new tactic: death by disease.  Instead of letting me actually wash my hands, she takes a dive into the sink.  She’s totally down with getting herself completely wet if it means I might die of the plague.

3.  I’m not allowed to brush my teeth, either.  If I remove her from the sink, she bats the…

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