I didn’t post this last week because I was still too sick. I decided that I would just save it up for this week, because what is a week without a wtf moment? So what is this about? I was sick over Valentines. Nasty sick. But I’d already put in an order for my hubby cuz, you know, I’m a good wife, and I took my half dead self (and plenty of sanitizer wipes, don’t worry) and picked up his present. When he came home, he had a fancy, chocolatier created trio of chocolate desserts, and a toy pop gun. Because they’re fun. My husband said he didn’t get me anything.
If I’m sick, I don’t want chocolates because I crave nothing but salty things. Okay…so cheese sticks? Doritos? A damned saltine cracker? Nada. It was a total cop-out.
I couldn’t get that upset, because I know my husband and expected it. There were no tears, no drama. It’s not like that. But chocolates will hold a few days, dude. It was just easier not to make the effort, and that is not cool. Do I demand presents and treats on holidays? Well, yes…but not because I’m living a 1950’s stereotype, or because I’ve bought into commercialism. It’s because I wasn’t given candy as a kid. I bask in the glow of every celebration that allows for guilt free truffles. Hell, I use the golden rule and share the joy of sugar! I explained this in LazyOrStupidHusband Language.
If you need help with this language, you can try translation 1, my usual tactic: “I think you assume because you got me sick I don’t want candy, but you got me sick so you should buy more to be safe. Not only because, you know, you brought this plague home, but because doesn’t the promise of yumminess speed recovery?”
If that doesn’t work, you can always try translation 2, a more direct approach: make your loved one reflect on the issue in the form of a question: “Do you NOT want sex ever again?”
We’ll see if this takes effect by the next plausible holiday.