It happens almost every year, but somehow I seem to forget. Spring break comes and goes, and all I’ve done is work. I grade midterm exams, finish up research projects and hope my students don’t forget everything in a beer soaked haze. And then the first week back it happens. I’m bummed.
NOT because I worked all week (a lie) and NOT because my students take better vacations than I ever have money for due to ungodly school loans (also a lie), but mainly (and truthfully) because after I come back, I always lose students. See, the classes are going okay and then during the break some students realize “Hey! It’s GREAT just not having homework and driving back and forth to school!” And if your class isn’t totally necessary for their degree, which a few of mine aren’t, AND if you make students actually do work then you get drops. Or at least I do.
I’m not motherly or a pushover, things more students assume of women teachers than you’d think. And I’m not trying to win the popularity contest. I mean, I never assumed I had to like my teachers to learn from them; they weren’t my bros, my buddies, my friends, my therapists. They could inspire and teach without being chummy. It’s great when I did make a personal connection, but that was very far between, and it wasn’t an expectation…
This is what’s going through my head. I know students drop for all sorts of reasons, and that it’s typical to have them drop at the beginning when they sift thru what classes look easy or fun, and then again after spring break when they remember what it’s like to have an open schedule and no homework. But when I see those drops, it always feels personal. It always feels like I suck. And feeling as isolated as I already do from my colleagues, it just makes the spring break blues that much more manic this year.
Yeah, I realize this is just continuations on the whine-fest from a few posts ago. But this is my outlet, so you gotta deal with it every once in a while. Because I think this crap all the time. It’s the manure that makes the beautiful vineyard of my sarcasm.
All I know is I hear a nasty voice in my head: Two months left. And no bites on the job front.
Time to start looking of videos of dancing cats.