Bad Drivers and the F-Bomb

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I had an interesting experience in the parking lot today.  It was one of those times where you’d like to drag someone into an empty classroom and give them a serious schooling, preferrably through the method of smacking the back of their head with your hand.  That IS a certified method for dealing with dumbass, if the 3 Stooges are to be believed.

First off, I was backing out of a parking lot.  I was already 2/3rd out of the spot when some jackwagon decides to gun it out of his spot. I check my position often because dipwads are often too busy holding up their handsfree device to their mouth while they drive to actually check traffic.  Anyways.  At half way out of the space, no one was moving on either side of me.  2/3rd out of the space, and this jerk was blocking the rest of the way, as he was clearly about to try and zip around.

car1

car2

My windows were down since it was a nice day, and I said “Aww, Come on Buddy.”  Not angry, just with the tone of Murtaugh being too old for this shit.  I wasn’t even talking to him, just talking outloud.  And since it was a nice day, he too had his window down.  I had stopped the car because he was so close I couldn’t turn any more.  Because he was a genius, apparently, and didn’t actually wait for me to finish but decided to drive up next to my wheel.  And then he said “Well, I was going to let you go, but you didn’t have to be rude about it.”

car4

First of all, he couldn’t let me go because the jackhole was way to close.  If he’d stopped 10 feet away maybe, but he’d driven his bumper up to 2 feet away from my front tire with my car at a 45 degree angle.  So he was clearly an idiot and/or full of shit.  Also, I wasn’t rude.  I said so, tiredly laughing.  “Yes, you were!  You don’t think “Come on Buddy is RUDE?!”  No, I said.  I don’t.  I wanted to continue on with all the rude things I could have said, but at his next “Yes it IS” I said whatever and swerved around said jackass who didn’t back up or move away as he should have.

car3I could have been a complete vulgarian.  I’m *good* at being a vulgarian.  WHere the hell is my lollipop for taking the high road???

In the end, I decided that not only was he a bad driver, Come/On/Buddy has no insulting words, so in essence he was insulted that I found any fault with his driving, not my words or tone.  And in the end, I concluded that simply meant he was a waste of space.  And that his birth certificate was really an apology from the condom company.

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5 thoughts on “Bad Drivers and the F-Bomb

  1. Too funny. Love the diagrams. As a FL native (Miami to be specific), I know all too well about this sort of mayhem on the roads. Of course, I’ve never been guilty of such sins. 😉

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