Cake Racism

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Whew!  It’s been a while!  I’ve been very stressed, sick, and overworked, but no one likes to hear that.

Too bad.  You’re not paying me.

Anyways!  I just had the most ridiculous thing in my head, so thought I’d share.  Tonight I made cake.  Coconut cake with coconut icing and coconut flakes on top.  I thought of sending the photo to a friend, and then realized they would see…nothing.  It is, I realized, the whitest cake on the planet.  Every ingredient was white–it didn’t even use egg yolks.  I wonder…does that make me cake racist?  I’m not a people racist.  I love all peoples.  But were my baked goods as color blind?

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I always use chocolate, but shouldn’t pale coconut milk, coconut shreds, cake flour and white sugar their moment to shine, too?  Or did I make the equivalent of a kkk cake?

And immediately, this voice popped into my head.

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When you begin hysterically giggling by yourself late at night in the kitchen while you point at a cake, you really really need a vacation.

Morons with Horsepower

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I don’t care who you are, there’s one thing (only one thing?) that drives me absolutely nuts; asshat drivers.  Some people are really reckless drivers, and they shall be cursed by me as I screech on the brakes.  But what annoys me even more are idiots with more money than sense.

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See, I know the limits of my car.  I know what it’s capable of.  But it’s not a badass car.  That’s fine.  I don’t need a pimped out engine.  I drive to work, not over mountains.  But these super sized monstrosities on the road are annoying.

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I don’t like the fact that my mom owns an suv, for example.  She drives to the grocery store, not across rivers.  It’s ridiculous.  But what really gets my road rage going are people who have these kind of cars and drive them like the popemobile, like this idiot today.

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If it takes a truck that I’d need a ladder just to climb into an eternity to turn into a parking lot that has a light curb, then that driver is an idiot.

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An idiot whom I might or might not have said should die.  I can’t say for certain, because there was this odd reddish tinge to the world while he crawled onto the curb in slow motion.

I don’t have a death wish though. I know it’s not nice to explain people should put their feet on the pedal and their head out of their ass. I keep those windows rolled up while I hurl insults so no one can hear.  But I seriously think that if you can’t drive your vehicle as intended, you should be forced to swap it with a station wagon from the 70s.

Amazon, I hate thee

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I read.  Voraciously.  I love books.  I don’t mean a little.  And I read fast.  When I was a kid, the school library refused to let me check out 10 books once in third grade.  NOT because I wouldn’t read them all.  Oh no, because I would read them all and entirely ignore my homework in order to do so.

Since I have work and not homework these days, and since I work to get paid, I’ve curbed these habits…a little.  But when I’ve finally cleared out all my bookshelf, I start trolling on Amazon, looking for the next good read…or twelve.  But when I start searching Amazon’s New Release section, I will find an author listed with a book I’ve been waiting six months for.  I will be elated, pumped, eager, happy…and then I see that Amazon lied once again.  It’s not a new release, it’s another 6 months away!  That’s not NEW, jerkwad, that’s future release!  Enter extreme rage at such trickery, such horrible taunting.  I soon turn bitter and sulk.  All because Amazon is a tease.

And even if it’s not in real life with a person, while staring at that computer screen, you turn me into that psychotic manic depressive girlfriend, Amazon.  Not cool.

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That Time of Year

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I ditched the blog last week.  But first of all, it was a holiday and I doubt anyone was reading anyways, and second, it was black friday.  Which means I stay in doors with a shot gun and the blinds closed in case hordes of shoppers take a wrong turn and end up on my street instead of at Walmart.  I don’t mess with those zombie hordes.

Anyways.  Next week is the beginning of exams and I expect to turn into an exhausted mess of a human being as usual.  In fact, that little journey has already started.  But I did have a funny thought earlier today that I thought I would share.  A great epiphany about the logic of the human mind in an ever changing world…

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And there you have it!  The reliable logic of the human mind!