Amazon, I hate thee

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I read.  Voraciously.  I love books.  I don’t mean a little.  And I read fast.  When I was a kid, the school library refused to let me check out 10 books once in third grade.  NOT because I wouldn’t read them all.  Oh no, because I would read them all and entirely ignore my homework in order to do so.

Since I have work and not homework these days, and since I work to get paid, I’ve curbed these habits…a little.  But when I’ve finally cleared out all my bookshelf, I start trolling on Amazon, looking for the next good read…or twelve.  But when I start searching Amazon’s New Release section, I will find an author listed with a book I’ve been waiting six months for.  I will be elated, pumped, eager, happy…and then I see that Amazon lied once again.  It’s not a new release, it’s another 6 months away!  That’s not NEW, jerkwad, that’s future release!  Enter extreme rage at such trickery, such horrible taunting.  I soon turn bitter and sulk.  All because Amazon is a tease.

And even if it’s not in real life with a person, while staring at that computer screen, you turn me into that psychotic manic depressive girlfriend, Amazon.  Not cool.

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That Time of Year

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I ditched the blog last week.  But first of all, it was a holiday and I doubt anyone was reading anyways, and second, it was black friday.  Which means I stay in doors with a shot gun and the blinds closed in case hordes of shoppers take a wrong turn and end up on my street instead of at Walmart.  I don’t mess with those zombie hordes.

Anyways.  Next week is the beginning of exams and I expect to turn into an exhausted mess of a human being as usual.  In fact, that little journey has already started.  But I did have a funny thought earlier today that I thought I would share.  A great epiphany about the logic of the human mind in an ever changing world…

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And there you have it!  The reliable logic of the human mind!

I Am Expecting the Nobel Peace Prize

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My husband was super sweet and made lasagna tonight.  I noticed the same problem I always have, and wondered if the Romans made lasagna.  If they did, I know why the empire really fell.  Lasagna is stupid because of the cheese layer on top.

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I complained about it to my husband and he took personal offense, assuming that I was criticizing his lasagna.  But I was criticizing ALL lasagna.  See, the cheese on top is baked and gets to be a layer of cheese, a little crispy and baked and that’s the problem!  You try to cut into it and you rip off the whole layer.  There is no bite-o-cheese with your other layers.  This causes crankiness.  The cheesy promise has been broken.  Fights ensue.  Marriages are broken.  Nations are torn.

lasagna2Of course, I found a solution.  I even showed my husband with my second piece.  (it was good lasagna.)  Flip the lasagna upside down on your plate.  That way you don’t smoosh your lasagna as you try to cut the cheese, and since it’s on the bottom it softens a little, and can be more easily cut right next to the plate surface. Thus, cheese with every bite.  It was brilliant!  He didn’t mimic my genius with his 2nd slice. He is skeptical. I told him just to wait.  As soon as I let the world know, he could expect the Nobel board to be knocking on my door.

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First Week Back

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I was listening to NPR yesterday, and there was an interesting discussion on introverts vs extroverts.  The idea was our idea of an introvert is someone shy, someone who doesn’t connect with others, for example. Most people, seeing that I am a professor that steps in front of huge groups of people on a regular basis and do a fairly good job of being confident, clear and comfortable when I speak, would assume I’m an extrovert.

I’m so fricking not.

It’s not that I’m not comfortable in front of people.  I can easily lecture, taking critical questions, for hours on end, be it in front of students, or peer reviews, a whole stadium of strangers.  But get me in a office cafeteria, or after class with a handful of strangers, and I cringe.  Because I hate small talk.  I hate that getting-to-know-you-and-actually-appear-interested dance people do.  I can happily go months without talking to anyone. And if I do have a conversation?  I’m more likely to step into the deep end of the pool with a in-depth, philosophical discussion or debate.  Apparently this is another trait of introverts–we DO like to talk, just deeply.

So I’m not shy, I’m just…a hermit.  Not needy for attention.  Not looking for social acceptance for self fulfilment.  Disenchanted with chit-chat.  Its not that I look down on any of it, or that I don’t see the value and how people can build meaningful contact that way…However I say it doesn’t sound good, but it’s like this; some people really love playing soccer.  They love the interaction, the feedback in the crowd, the team spirit, the rituals, the nicknames and pats on the back, the feeling of belonging to the group…

Then there are those who like martial arts.  It’s more solitary, but your competition is yourself–can you be better?  Can you hold that pose for a minute longer?  And while you’re doing this, you’re thinking about balance, and chi, and how to grapple with fact that your focus and stamina is for something essentially lethal, yet uses more restraint than you have when eating cookies.  And then you start thinking of the concept of restraint as a social construct, and where is that fine balance between Lord of the Flies and Little Women, all while by yourself in a dojo, juggling flaming nunchucks or something.

It’s like that.  Soccer may be great and I totally get that, but martial arts is just more my bag.

Which is why the first week of school KILLS me.  I’m not used to talking anymore, so my voice is cracked from all the speaking.  My head hurts from focusing on caring about a staff members holiday, or what their spouse thinks of sausages.  Sausages, for gods sake.  Or a student who doesn’t leave after class is dismissed, wanting to tell me all about this one funny video on youtube that they can’t quite remember…Why do we talk about this stuff?  Why ask me how I am and keep walking without listening to what I say?  Why ask, when you don’t really want to know?  Should I be honest, or should I be polite?  Do I have to answer at all?  Am I perceived as being bitchy because I didn’t answer when you were already 8 feet in the other direction?

The stress of it all just exhausts me.  I just need some time to settle back into the idea of community.  It’s not natural, but I can do it.  With some pain and suffering…

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