Morons with Horsepower

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I don’t care who you are, there’s one thing (only one thing?) that drives me absolutely nuts; asshat drivers.  Some people are really reckless drivers, and they shall be cursed by me as I screech on the brakes.  But what annoys me even more are idiots with more money than sense.

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See, I know the limits of my car.  I know what it’s capable of.  But it’s not a badass car.  That’s fine.  I don’t need a pimped out engine.  I drive to work, not over mountains.  But these super sized monstrosities on the road are annoying.

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I don’t like the fact that my mom owns an suv, for example.  She drives to the grocery store, not across rivers.  It’s ridiculous.  But what really gets my road rage going are people who have these kind of cars and drive them like the popemobile, like this idiot today.

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If it takes a truck that I’d need a ladder just to climb into an eternity to turn into a parking lot that has a light curb, then that driver is an idiot.

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An idiot whom I might or might not have said should die.  I can’t say for certain, because there was this odd reddish tinge to the world while he crawled onto the curb in slow motion.

I don’t have a death wish though. I know it’s not nice to explain people should put their feet on the pedal and their head out of their ass. I keep those windows rolled up while I hurl insults so no one can hear.  But I seriously think that if you can’t drive your vehicle as intended, you should be forced to swap it with a station wagon from the 70s.

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Bad Drivers and the F-Bomb

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I had an interesting experience in the parking lot today.  It was one of those times where you’d like to drag someone into an empty classroom and give them a serious schooling, preferrably through the method of smacking the back of their head with your hand.  That IS a certified method for dealing with dumbass, if the 3 Stooges are to be believed.

First off, I was backing out of a parking lot.  I was already 2/3rd out of the spot when some jackwagon decides to gun it out of his spot. I check my position often because dipwads are often too busy holding up their handsfree device to their mouth while they drive to actually check traffic.  Anyways.  At half way out of the space, no one was moving on either side of me.  2/3rd out of the space, and this jerk was blocking the rest of the way, as he was clearly about to try and zip around.

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My windows were down since it was a nice day, and I said “Aww, Come on Buddy.”  Not angry, just with the tone of Murtaugh being too old for this shit.  I wasn’t even talking to him, just talking outloud.  And since it was a nice day, he too had his window down.  I had stopped the car because he was so close I couldn’t turn any more.  Because he was a genius, apparently, and didn’t actually wait for me to finish but decided to drive up next to my wheel.  And then he said “Well, I was going to let you go, but you didn’t have to be rude about it.”

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First of all, he couldn’t let me go because the jackhole was way to close.  If he’d stopped 10 feet away maybe, but he’d driven his bumper up to 2 feet away from my front tire with my car at a 45 degree angle.  So he was clearly an idiot and/or full of shit.  Also, I wasn’t rude.  I said so, tiredly laughing.  “Yes, you were!  You don’t think “Come on Buddy is RUDE?!”  No, I said.  I don’t.  I wanted to continue on with all the rude things I could have said, but at his next “Yes it IS” I said whatever and swerved around said jackass who didn’t back up or move away as he should have.

car3I could have been a complete vulgarian.  I’m *good* at being a vulgarian.  WHere the hell is my lollipop for taking the high road???

In the end, I decided that not only was he a bad driver, Come/On/Buddy has no insulting words, so in essence he was insulted that I found any fault with his driving, not my words or tone.  And in the end, I concluded that simply meant he was a waste of space.  And that his birth certificate was really an apology from the condom company.