Cake Racism

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Whew!  It’s been a while!  I’ve been very stressed, sick, and overworked, but no one likes to hear that.

Too bad.  You’re not paying me.

Anyways!  I just had the most ridiculous thing in my head, so thought I’d share.  Tonight I made cake.  Coconut cake with coconut icing and coconut flakes on top.  I thought of sending the photo to a friend, and then realized they would see…nothing.  It is, I realized, the whitest cake on the planet.  Every ingredient was white–it didn’t even use egg yolks.  I wonder…does that make me cake racist?  I’m not a people racist.  I love all peoples.  But were my baked goods as color blind?

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I always use chocolate, but shouldn’t pale coconut milk, coconut shreds, cake flour and white sugar their moment to shine, too?  Or did I make the equivalent of a kkk cake?

And immediately, this voice popped into my head.

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When you begin hysterically giggling by yourself late at night in the kitchen while you point at a cake, you really really need a vacation.

Death and Taxes

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I don’t own a house.  I don’t have kids.  I work my ass off, but I don’t get any of the tax write offs most people have.  And being from the first generation not to do better than their parents, a generation raised in one recession to become adults in another, with soul gouging college loan prices and predatory marketing to attack us inbetween, I’m very aware of the middle class trappings I can’t afford.

I get cranky about it come tax time.  And before you start misquoting something historical (I have issues with those who don’t know their history but use it as a soundbite in arguments) it’s not the federal government I’m loathing tax time. It’s state.  It’s ALWAYS state.  And I don’t see better schools, law enforcement, or community growth from my local government. They just seem interested in putting in traffic cameras to rake in more revenue. And totally gouging me come tax time. Bitter much, you ask?  Well, I’m trying to do my state taxes without grinding my teeth when I see this pop up on the list of deductions in my state:

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What the hell is this? I remember the Ottoman Empire being from the 1300s!?  I look it up on google.  When the Ottoman empire weakened, Russia attacked.  But Armenians in Turkey took the side of Russians, so they were expelled from the country, or killed.  In 1915.  If you are an Armenian descendent and received settlement payments, you can take the deduction.  I know it is serious and horrible stuff, but it was almost 100 years ago…I’m thinking maybe it shouldn’t be on the list of regular deductions anymore.  Maybe a footnote on another page.  I dunno if it should be there at all.

And while there are lots of respectful arguments I could make my first thought was that ANY deduction an uber rich Kardashian gets to take should be taken off the books.

Just saying.

Morons with Horsepower

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I don’t care who you are, there’s one thing (only one thing?) that drives me absolutely nuts; asshat drivers.  Some people are really reckless drivers, and they shall be cursed by me as I screech on the brakes.  But what annoys me even more are idiots with more money than sense.

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See, I know the limits of my car.  I know what it’s capable of.  But it’s not a badass car.  That’s fine.  I don’t need a pimped out engine.  I drive to work, not over mountains.  But these super sized monstrosities on the road are annoying.

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I don’t like the fact that my mom owns an suv, for example.  She drives to the grocery store, not across rivers.  It’s ridiculous.  But what really gets my road rage going are people who have these kind of cars and drive them like the popemobile, like this idiot today.

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If it takes a truck that I’d need a ladder just to climb into an eternity to turn into a parking lot that has a light curb, then that driver is an idiot.

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An idiot whom I might or might not have said should die.  I can’t say for certain, because there was this odd reddish tinge to the world while he crawled onto the curb in slow motion.

I don’t have a death wish though. I know it’s not nice to explain people should put their feet on the pedal and their head out of their ass. I keep those windows rolled up while I hurl insults so no one can hear.  But I seriously think that if you can’t drive your vehicle as intended, you should be forced to swap it with a station wagon from the 70s.

Freedom at the Pump

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It seems the last few weeks I have nothing but company complaints in my mind. Sooo..you know that new commercial you see all the time on tv?  The one with the lady close to my age, actually, who gets out of a car with some kind of music blaring?  See, I know I’m supposed to look at it and go “she may be white, but she’s still hip!  I can be like her!”  Yeah.  I hate that commercial.

Every time I see that commercial, I start grinding my teeth.  Because they are trying to romanticize something I want to bitch slap her for.  Well, that commercial character and anyone else that makes me roll up my car window.

First of all, you don’t see if there’s a kid in the car, you just see a stuffed animal.  It’s not cool to have the music up if you’ve got kids, yo.  Busting your own ear drums is stupid as shit, but if there’s a kid present, you are irresponsible.  As in your kids are the ones who yell in every store because they have no hearing because they need hearing aids irresponsible.

Second, I dislike those stupid family stickers.  Except for the funny ones like these.

But bumper stickers in general are just weird to me.  Why advertise your politics or how many kids you have?  Are you looking to make life easier for stalkers?  I know some people have those stickers or “baby on board!” to advertise they have kids in order to make those around them more congenial on the highway, but, I don’t think you get a pass on cutting in front of me or driving like a jackhole just because you chose to push a baby out of your vagina.  I will still honk while I hit the brakes.

Honestly, this is all secondary to a more petty grievance in my mind.  You see, you might think pumping out the bass on your speakers is cool, but I think you are a raging dildo for it, because a) it makes my constant migraines instantly worse and b) it is, in fact, a noise violation, and c) I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR MUSIC.

So while I acknowledge the adolescent and quite transparent message of “be cool like her” in the commercial I will always reject due to my vehement distain for such crude, simple techniques, every time I see this commercial it actively makes me NOT want to have anything to do with the company.  Because blasting your music in the car, whether it’s mariachi music like my old neighbors cranked up in their p.o.s. cadillac, or rap to show how gangsta you are in the ‘burbs, it’s just rude.

Amazon, I hate thee

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I read.  Voraciously.  I love books.  I don’t mean a little.  And I read fast.  When I was a kid, the school library refused to let me check out 10 books once in third grade.  NOT because I wouldn’t read them all.  Oh no, because I would read them all and entirely ignore my homework in order to do so.

Since I have work and not homework these days, and since I work to get paid, I’ve curbed these habits…a little.  But when I’ve finally cleared out all my bookshelf, I start trolling on Amazon, looking for the next good read…or twelve.  But when I start searching Amazon’s New Release section, I will find an author listed with a book I’ve been waiting six months for.  I will be elated, pumped, eager, happy…and then I see that Amazon lied once again.  It’s not a new release, it’s another 6 months away!  That’s not NEW, jerkwad, that’s future release!  Enter extreme rage at such trickery, such horrible taunting.  I soon turn bitter and sulk.  All because Amazon is a tease.

And even if it’s not in real life with a person, while staring at that computer screen, you turn me into that psychotic manic depressive girlfriend, Amazon.  Not cool.

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Declarations of Love One Hour After Valentines Are Lame

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I’ve been away for a few months.  First, it was exams and final grading.  Then I got sick.  Really sick.  Sick for over a month.  And then I got back to work and I was just damned tired from playing catch up.  I thought, gee, it’s nice to not feel like I have a deadline, maybe I’ll just take a break from the blog for one more week, and it’s not like I’m super popular in blogdom anyways…Then I found out I was not just a little sick, but now I’m I-could-die sick from medicine conflicts. While I figure it out, it’s back to doctor visits, insomnia, and general lack of energy.  So no blog.

But sometimes I miss the blog.  I get to call my petty bitching “writing”, and occasionally someone will actually hit the Like button. (I mean come on people, throw me a damned bone.) But honestly, I don’t have a lot of energy, and what I do have I burn at work.  So I’ll be writing shorter posts, probably, and not on any schedule…

I think I’ll change the blog layout too.  There are times you see a woman who is haggard and wilted.  You see her put on some red lipstick and you think “that is NOT helping.”  But that illusion of “refreshing” is helping her keep her shit together.  And god help you if you so much as consider that lipstick isn’t working.  She will find the energy to claw off your face.  So yeah, I might change the blog color or layout.  Just roll with it.

That Time of Year

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I ditched the blog last week.  But first of all, it was a holiday and I doubt anyone was reading anyways, and second, it was black friday.  Which means I stay in doors with a shot gun and the blinds closed in case hordes of shoppers take a wrong turn and end up on my street instead of at Walmart.  I don’t mess with those zombie hordes.

Anyways.  Next week is the beginning of exams and I expect to turn into an exhausted mess of a human being as usual.  In fact, that little journey has already started.  But I did have a funny thought earlier today that I thought I would share.  A great epiphany about the logic of the human mind in an ever changing world…

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And there you have it!  The reliable logic of the human mind!